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In this video I discus my experience with depersonalization, how I coped with my symptoms, and what helped me heal.
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a vaccine called VIVITROL and consequently spiraled into a major, agitated, suicidal depression with depersonalization. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who along with many siblings and friends had to watch me 24/7 as I was so suicidal. I was eventually hospitalized. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, Mood stabilizers, anti psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. As a last ditch effort, 8 1/2 months ago I had my blood drawn and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I for the first time had any type of possible explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of such Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started Testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment. I am blessed to say that I have slowly over the last 7 1/2 months been improving and becoming more stable wich I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. I am glad to report that I have experienced improvements in all areas and that is a miracle. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need.....